His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize