Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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