I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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