he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
