what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
