Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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