you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
