What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
