u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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