I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
