I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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