i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
