wanna go halves on a baby?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
