Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
