Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
