my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize