Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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