I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have post one night stand depression
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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