I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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