so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
