What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
