do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
