I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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