physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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