it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
