My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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