it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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