I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
