i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
