apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
