dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
