Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
