she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
