i would punch a child for taco bell
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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