You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
