he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
