it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
