Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I did not marry a roomba.
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