Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
