she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
