I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
