If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
In America we eat man semen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
