Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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