pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Alive.
So much puke
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
