I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
