i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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