My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
