There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
