Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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