Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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