The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
