pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize