Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
