Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
