if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
