i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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