Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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