Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
