She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
