How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
