My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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