he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
