It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
