Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She bit a glass in half.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize