If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sext me about skeletons
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
