there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
