yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
