Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
