Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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