The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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