sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
