The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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