so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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