I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
