I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
