Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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