I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
