Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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