is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
