I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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