I hate all girls vehemently.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
