I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
