So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
