So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
