I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
