Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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