He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
