I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
