Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So vagazzling was a success
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize